I spent the last ten years working in customer service. It’s taught me a lot, like how to be nice to people when I don’t really feel like it. It has also taught me that sometimes complete strangers will say things that I wouldn’t say to my best friend. Here is a conversation I had recently with a customer. We’ll call him Bill, but if names are going to be changed to protect the innocent, can’t I change mine? Anyway…
Bill: (Seeing that I have a McDonald’s bag on my desk) You aren’t really going to eat that crap are you?
Me: Like you can talk. I saw you walking out of there when I was leaving the drive-thru.
Bill: Oh, I just went there to poop. I don’t eat that stuff anymore, since I’m going to start entering body building contests. I’ve dropped 70 pounds already.
Me: Oh, really? That’s great.
Bill: What, you didn’t notice? You couldn’t tell that I wasn’t waddling my fat ass around in here like a pregnant woman anymore? Why are you making that face? Did you fart?
Me: Um, no.
Bill: Yeah, I bet you farted. It’s one of those church pew creepers, isn’t it? It’s okay. If you have to poop just go poop. You don’t have to try to hold it in.
Me: (losing a little bit of my customer service façade) The next time I see you coming in, I think I’ll be on break. Have a nice day!
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